Apparently you make a good broom.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
