idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
