Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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