He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
