you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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