So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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