FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Randomize
