but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
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