hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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