i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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