The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
