we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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