my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
