As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
