Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
