Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
