she was so not down for the gang bang
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
