I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
