These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
