Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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