This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I just blew my weed a kiss
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
