Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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