it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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