So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
