uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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