Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I just gift wrapped bread.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
