Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
