Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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