I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
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