My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
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