I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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