did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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