drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
did you just send me my own nude
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
