Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
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