Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
