I wanna bring you to show and tell
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
