She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
