I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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