Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
