That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
