I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
