wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
My day in three words: secret purse cake
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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