This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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