You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
