PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
