Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
