It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
