Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
