nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
