woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
