Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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