All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
