I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
