i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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