Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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