My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
